oh the weather outside is weather...

1. Cicerones. I have never not been thankful for this phenomenal group of people that shaped my college career. Serious CLUV to the newbies of 08...and newbies 11 get ready for the wild ride.


How we started...


...and what we've become.

2. Not being an adult quite yet. Justifying turning off the world because of the rain. And having mexican fiestas in fraternity houses.

3. Pi Phi food. And the fact that it's provided for me. No responsibility needed.

4. Being able to walk. I was on crutches for about a month during my junior year and I felt a new appreciation for this. And it occurred to me (since I have a huge fear of injuring myself playing soccer...which starts tonight) that I would NOT be able to get to my classes this semester if I was on crutches. It would actually be impossible without someone driving me from class to class.

5. Living in Gainesville. Where real life takes a break. Or if you're Christopher Emmanuel...where life is like inception.



6. The internet. Making life easier since circa 1992.

7. Having four day weekends. Every weekend.

#nowplaying Back to December

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
'Twas still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side and
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to December all the time

maybe it cracked under the pressure

Today I decided I am going to quit the Happiness Project. Not because I hate the world and want to be miserable, and certainly not because I don't want to live a happier life. But here I am 3 weeks into 2011 and to say that it has been a whirlwind of emotions would be an understatement. So it dawned on me today: you can't control happiness. Happiness is not something that I can turn on and off or manipulate. It's not something I can choose to be or not to be. I can do things that I enjoy, but if the underlying emotion at that time is not happiness then really it will all be for nothing.

So far, 2011 has not even come close to matching up to 2010 in happiness. 2011 was like the bad rebound after the perfect relationship, like playing John Brantley after playing Tim Tebow. It wasn't what I expected. And maybe, like John Brantley, 2011 was just destined to fail by circumstance. Maybe 2011 needs a new offensive coordinator who knows how to play a passing quarterback. I guess we'll have to wait for the season to finish to find out.

This morning I spent a large amount of time on facebook, reflecting back on 2010 and why I was so happy. And I noticed, there was no real reason. Of course I was doing all the things you're supposed to, like being with people I liked, and doing things that made me happy, and surrounding myself with the correct situations. But really, I was just a different person, especially in the beginning. Maybe it was the blonde hair. Either way, that person has been lost and I don't think the Happiness Project is the way to bring her back.

So here are some highlights of 2010 and happy Emily. In 2011 I am still going to stick to some of my resolutions, but for the first time in my life I'm going to relinquish some of the control I have (or want to have) over every situation. I'm going to accept that I can't make everyone happy, and that I can't control my own happiness in relationships with other people. I think 2011 is destined to be a worse year than 2010, if not simply by the circumstance that it holds the unknown future in its second half. But here's to 2010...and everything about it that made me happy.


My last moments of 2010. The happiest and best new year I've ever had, in the Ritz Carlton.


Day trip to Orlando over Winter Break


Senior events


Date Functions


Harry Potter premieres (at 3:15)


My sister's Bat Mitzvah


Gamedays at Phrathouse


Onesies


FBK Speakers Bureau


Homecoming and meeting Aziz


Last Homecoming


AGR Buck-off...this entire night


Spontaneous Roadtrip to NOLA #3


Becoming a great-grandbig, and my Beta Alpha Sigma Family


More Phrathouse Gamedays


Spontaneous Roadtrip to NOLA #2


With the SHED Barbeque


Spontaneous Roadtrip to NOLA #1


Senior Bid Day


"Learning to Cook"


Newbies 08 and Senior CLUV


Senior Prefs


W8A Super p10s


Goats on the roof and days off


This sums up camp...I could probably put up 100 pictures more


My 21st Birthday...obviously


Summer A summer senate...motion to extend?


That time I tried to enter an oyster eating competition...in my new Lilly


Exec


NOLA Spring Break by Day...


...and by night


SG Trip to Tallahassee


Kappa Sig Woodser


Project Makeover :-)


The Heart for Haiti 5K and valentine's day


Blue Man Group


Cicerone Interviews


Going Blonde


And of course the most epic end to 2009 and beginning of 2010...Israel

#nowplaying A little bit Stronger by Sara Evans

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

it's been a while

since I had anything to be thankful for...

1. A day off of school. Thanks to one of the greatest leaders of the 20th century.

2.The fact that I am still in college, and the semester has barely started.

3. My mom. She always works hard to make sure that I'm taken care of, even though it's technically not her responsibility anymore.

4. Boy Meets World reruns at 7 am. To help me through those early mornings.

5. Starbucks. And the people who work there who know me.

6. My friends. Of all groups. Who do whatever they can to be there for me.

7. An empty wall. To create whatever I want on.

when it comes to mondays...

...this one is particularly bad.

Beginning with what was supposed to be an extremely early morning cycling class (scratched), and instead beginning with just a rough start around 8 am, this Monday could not look more formidable. Immediately after I exited the shower I woke up just enough to understand what the startling sounds outside my window were...thunder. Not only is it downpouring, but the copious amounts of rain are interspersed with lightning and thunder...my favorite. That coupled with a full day of meetings and work including what is sure to be one of the latest nights of the semester makes this...a formidable monday.

Fortunately two good things came out of this Monday.

The first happened when I heard the thunder. This summer at camp I had one new camper. A cute little blonde from San Fransisco, Adena was a first timer on the east coast who fit in with my girls in about 10 seconds. One of the first realizations I had that she wasn't from around here was the first thunder storm we had that summer. For those who don't know, the southeastern United States get particularly bad thunder storms, and I have heard it rumored that Tampa, Florida is the lightning capital of the world. So these storms to me, especially after hurricanes, barely interfere with my life, unless I get caught without an umbrella. However, poor Adena, stuck on the top bunk, nearly had a heart attack and asked me if the sky was breaking open. Evidently, the thunder storms in San Fran are not of nearly the magnitude that they are down here, and she didn't think that the screen windows and sad little wood cabin was enough to protect her from what was surely the end of the world.

This memory makes me so happy. Currently, I am struggling with the decision about whether to return to camp this summer, without my campers, or to follow them across two continents and spend the summer with them in Israel. It has been an extremely difficult decision, but the more memories I have like this, the more I feel confident that I will make the right decision, and wait another year before I see camp again.

The second happy thought came when I realized it was the first Monday of the semester. Last semester, when things got particularly bad, my friend Ruthie started sending me inspirational Monday morning text messages. I always forgot they were coming, but each time they did I got a little bit happier regardless of the situation. Noticing how early I was awake, I decided to take the initiative and send her one since she has spent the weekend sick in bed with what can only be the bubonic plague (or a cold, the jury's still out).

I realize that Ruthie and I will probably not live in the same place again after this semester, but how lucky we are to have ample means of communication at our fingertips. As an out-of-state student, Ruthie is much more open to the idea of picking up and relocating, whereas the Gainesville native in me sees this as nothing short of terrifying. But, if we tried hard enough (and I know I am going to), Ruthie and I can at least continue to send each other happy Monday morning texts, if not happy texts whenever we get the opportunity too.

So now Monday begins...and I feel a mix of happiness, sadness, and anxiety at the thought of trekking across campus in the rain. But I guess happiness isn't always smiles, sometimes it's just taking a negative situation and making it a positive one.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
-Grouch Marx

My First Splendid Truth

Sometimes it's nice to be alone. But other times it's not.