why limit happy to an hour?: maybe it cracked under the pressure

Today I decided I am going to quit the Happiness Project. Not because I hate the world and want to be miserable, and certainly not because I don't want to live a happier life. But here I am 3 weeks into 2011 and to say that it has been a whirlwind of emotions would be an understatement. So it dawned on me today: you can't control happiness. Happiness is not something that I can turn on and off or manipulate. It's not something I can choose to be or not to be. I can do things that I enjoy, but if the underlying emotion at that time is not happiness then really it will all be for nothing.

So far, 2011 has not even come close to matching up to 2010 in happiness. 2011 was like the bad rebound after the perfect relationship, like playing John Brantley after playing Tim Tebow. It wasn't what I expected. And maybe, like John Brantley, 2011 was just destined to fail by circumstance. Maybe 2011 needs a new offensive coordinator who knows how to play a passing quarterback. I guess we'll have to wait for the season to finish to find out.

This morning I spent a large amount of time on facebook, reflecting back on 2010 and why I was so happy. And I noticed, there was no real reason. Of course I was doing all the things you're supposed to, like being with people I liked, and doing things that made me happy, and surrounding myself with the correct situations. But really, I was just a different person, especially in the beginning. Maybe it was the blonde hair. Either way, that person has been lost and I don't think the Happiness Project is the way to bring her back.

So here are some highlights of 2010 and happy Emily. In 2011 I am still going to stick to some of my resolutions, but for the first time in my life I'm going to relinquish some of the control I have (or want to have) over every situation. I'm going to accept that I can't make everyone happy, and that I can't control my own happiness in relationships with other people. I think 2011 is destined to be a worse year than 2010, if not simply by the circumstance that it holds the unknown future in its second half. But here's to 2010...and everything about it that made me happy.